[santasfe]

How do chinese people think up names? They throw pots and pans down stairs! PANG WANG KANG KLANG TANG YANG PING WONG

[Pusherman555]

this is a long one

there were three best friends and one day they all died
when they got into heaven they were told there was only one rule...
you cant step on a duck

so they go about their afterlife until one day..

one friend wasnt looking and stepped on a duck. so an angel came to him with a ugly girl and said you have to spend the rest of eternity with her for steping on the duck

the second friend was watching all around for the ducks but he also accitentaly stepped on a duck. so another ugly girl was brought and the same thing happened to him

the last friend was diligent watching for the ducks and never stepped on one. so one day an angel brought him to a beautiful girl and said they have to spend eternity with each other.

he asked "is this my reward for not stepping on a duck?"
the angel replied"no,no, the poor girl stepped on a duck."

[HaruLoku]

How do chinese people think up names? They throw pots and pans down stairs! PANG WANG KANG KLANG TANG YANG PING WONG

well, that's funny~~ i'm not offended, but that doesn't mean it won't offend others~
so watch ur words~

"Pang", "Wang", "Kang", "Tang", "Yang", "Wong" are common surnames [family names].

oops, mayb i'm a little bit offended, LOL~

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pusherman, that's funny!!

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anyway, i found one~

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GIFT

A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's bday, and as they had not been dating very long, and after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note - romantic but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he bought a pair of white gloves.

The younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed his package and mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note-

Darling,

I chose this because i notice you are not in the habit if wearing any when we go out in the evening.

If it had not been for your sister, i would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady i brought them from showed me the pair that she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly even soiled. I had her try on yours for me and really look smart.

I wish i was there to put them on for you for the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before i have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will natually be a little damp from wearing.
Just think of how many times i will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on the friday night.

PS: The latest style is to wear them fold down with a little fur showing.


With lots of love,
Your man.

[AnimeFillerKiller]

haha that's great. im-a go buy someone gloves now. haru you want one? lol

and that chinese joke did offend me, atleast, eventhough im not chinese. im laotian. but i've heard similar sounding jokes and they've gotten tiresome and annoying. but i can still take a joke. just don't say it again whoever or you might find yourself in a ditch

[*eniGma*]

Need to put this thread back on

(Bunnings is a hardware specialist store & Coles is a supermarket)

A "heads up" for those of you who may be regular Bunnings customers.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you.

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot.

They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another Bunnings - or Coles.

You agree and they get in the back seat.

On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen September 4th, 5th, 11th, twice on the 12th, 18th, 19th, & 25th. Also October 2nd, 3rd, twice on the 9th, three times just last Sunday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So be careful.

[*eniGma*]

Here's one for 2008, old but seriously funny

HOW TO MAKE LOVE

Ingredients:
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
1 Firm banana

Directions:
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.

Notes:
1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town

[rossai]

Bengali joke 1:

Here goes a bengali joke,

"There are 4 friends traveling in a boat. There were 1 Bangladeshi,Japanease, Indian, Egypitian.
All of a sudden the Egypitian friend throug a bag full of gold in the water. Every 1 got shoked and asked why would U do such thing?

The Egypitian: We have plenty of them and U can find them every were in my home land.

Then all of a sudden the Japanease friend throug a bag full of cell phones in the water. Every 1 got shoked and asked why would U do such thing?

The Japanease: We have plenty of them and U can find them every were in my home land.

The Indian friend had nothing to through,So he threw a bag full of mangoes in the water,which was own by the Bangladesh friend . Every 1 got shoked and asked why would U do such thing?

The Indian: We have plenty of them and U can find them every were in my home land.

The Bangladeshi got engery and said to the Indian "How dare U to through my mangoes in the water,now I will kill U for sure." As a result the Bangladeshi grab the Indian and through the Indian into the water. The other 2 friends got shoked and asked why would U do such thing?

The Bangladeshi: We have plenty of them and U can find them every were in my home land."

Bengali joke 2:

1 day I saw my friend was playing chess with his dog. So I said to my friend "what a clever dog U have , it can play chess". In return my friend said "clever my foot, out of 5 matches with the dog I won 3 of them".

[freeboy]

The second joke pwns!

A man walks into a bar with a piece or Tar under his arm...
He says to the Barman "Give me 2 beers, one for me and one for the road!"

[Dealy Rizazamatizazz]

Recently a camera crew fallowed the Minnesota Vikings into their locker room for the coaches after game pep talk. One of the Vikings players genitalia could be seen in the back ground and this was missed before it was aired in the East coast. But, it answers some questions. A Vikings penis is bigger than a Cowboys, but smaller than a Giants.

[AnimeDragons]

Blond Joke Alert!

A woman with a pair of alligator boots is walking casually down the side walk when she is stopped by a blond woman who asks her for the boots.
Naturally, the woman refused, and after a back and forth arguement the blond stormed away, frustrated.
Later that day the woman was driving past the river when she saw the same blond woman from before, next to a pile of dead alligators. As she pulled over and got out of her car she watched as the blond suddenly dove into the water, before resurfacing with an aligator held tight in her arms. After a large amount of splashing the blond dragged herself out of the water, dragging the now dead alligator out with her. She looked it over, and suddenly began to cry.
"Why are you crying?" the woman asked her.
"Because," the blond sniffled, "none of them are wearing any boots!"

[Dealy Rizazamatizazz]

I've recently considered stand-up, here are some of the joke sI have written myself. They need some polishing.

I don't know how many of you guys do it but I do some manscaping down there. I'm not really sure what to do with it so I trim and then I shave a little from the top and bottum, and it looks like a bridge, and my dick is like the troll under the bridge.

I named my penis Pueblo cause he lives South of the border. the creepy part is he speaks Spanish which I don't. so I like to draw a fake mustache on him and make him dance.

When I was a little boy I wanted to be a chip and dale dancer. I'd run home from school and strip out of my clothes while singing to sexy for my shirt. when I got old enough I tried stripping but once I was naked the women laughed so comedy it was..

I woke up with a lump on my right testicle. Had the doctor check it out but the ball is still in the air..me and my buddy bust each others balls which is unfair cause he only has 2 and I have 3..

I wish I was in football and could get a sack on Michael Vick, cause while he was on his back I would get down on all fours and lift my leg while barking at him. But I'd be afraid he'd beat me, put me in a cage, starve me, and make me fight other white people

My friend is a Christian and she got pretty mad when I asked her about Jesus. I was like "Is it true that Jesus is a giant cracker monster with a blood alcohol content of 10% by volume?" "What happens if a Christian is on a no carb diet or in AA?"

I tried to pray the other day "Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name"
The rest I don't know cause the commercial cuts off..
God couldn't afford 10 extra seconds of air-time..

You know, I think my mothers postpardom depression only kicked in cause she realised it was too late to abort me. I'm her youngest and I'm 20, and she still has postpardom..it got worse when I told her I wanted to be a comedian

[SapphireSky]

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, Violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man
prayed:

' God, please give me the strength to cross the river. '



Poof! . God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim
across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.



After witnessing that, the second man prayed: ' God, please give me
strength and the tools to cross the river '



Poof! .. God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he
was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.



Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: ' God,
please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the
river '


Poof! . He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one
hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.



I'm normally not one for gender jokes but this pretty accurate. :D

[Dealy Rizazamatizazz]

Right, that's why all the worlds greatest scientists, explorers, and inventors are men. A man invented the tampon, pill, condom, midol, vacum, phone, and stove. Which shows women are good for bleeding, sex, bitching, cleaning, talking, and cooking.

Burn.

[SapphireSky]

If we're such a hassle, why don't you just go get yourself a boyfriend



Burn.